Darwins 2013!!!

 

 

The Darwins Are Out!!!!

2013

Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards

are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

 

Here Is The Glorious Winner:

1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim

during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber

James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.

He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.

This time it worked.

 

And Now, The Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat

cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted

a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting

negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.

He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim

was approved.

 

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for

his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle

to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

 

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus

driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be

transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting

to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop

and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered

the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the

patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.

The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

 

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from

serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked

how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply

trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before

he was hit.

 

6.. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter,

and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man

pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk

promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,

leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got

from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you

money, is a crime committed?]

 

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.

He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor

store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder

block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block

bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him

unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.

The whole event was caught on videotape.

 

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man

grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and

the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the

snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.

They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was

then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID.

To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole

the purse from.”

 

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked

into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun,

and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said

he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When

the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available

for breakfast… The frustrated gunman walked away.

[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

 

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor

home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much

more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very

sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.

A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal

gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s

sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to

press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had

and the perp had been punished enough!

 

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends

and family…. unless of course one of these individuals by

chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case,

be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

 

*****Remember*****

They walk among us, they can reproduce.

__._,_.___