Old Age

*Funniest Quotes about Ageing*

"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde

"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper 

"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde

"If you want to know how old a woman is then ask her sister-in-law." - Edgar Howe 

"We must both, I’m afraid, recognize that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis 

"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane 

"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault 

"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir 

"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain 

"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson

"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller 

"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns 

"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg 

“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins 

“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault 

“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben 

"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore 

"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain 

"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown 

"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns 

"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot 

"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell 

"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers

"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns

"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy

"The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget." - Unknown 

"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso 

"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom 

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney

“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon

"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen" 

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin

"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope 

"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer 

"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous 

“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns

“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier 

"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein 

"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie 

"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain 

"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg 

"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens 

"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings 

"Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." - Joan Rivers 

“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers 

"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright

"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers

"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous