SATARICAL EXPLANTION OF A FEW INFRASTRUCTURAL TERMS FOR THE BENEFIT OF BENGALURU RESIDENTS!!

1. ROADS: These are essentially portions of tar connecting potholes. Their main purpose is to connect garbage piles to each other. However, any living or nonliving that requires to ambulate is allowed to use them. Civic Authorities ensure that any not having sufficient potholes is dug up by the Water Supply Board or Cable laying companies.

          

2.Speed Breakers: These are uneven bumps on the road meant to control the speed of traffic to less than 20 kmph just in case potholes have failed to do so. They are the most well built portions of the entire road, surviving even when the surrounding road has disintegrated into loose gravel.

      

3. Pavements: These are small strips of uneven mud or disconnected slabs of stone on either side of roads. Since most roads are not recognizable as roads, these strips of mud are useful in recognizing the lateral limits of the road. They serve as repositories for garbage and a fast lane for motorcyclists and cyclists at traffic lights. since stray dogs perform their ablutions here, some citizens encourage their pet dogs to do the same.

             

4. Traffic Lights: These are a collection of green and red lights that keep lighting up in rotation, though unevenly. The red lights remain on the longest, with the green light remaining a distant second. The amber light is on just for a fraction of a second, forcing the motorists to quickly monitor if a traffic cop is present, and accordingly decide if he can rush through or risk applying breaks and getting slammed from behind. This is intended mainly to teach motorists the art of decision making under stress. These lights are applicable only to drivers of private cars who have just returned from abroad or have recently paid a hefty fine. Two wheelers ignore the red light completely unless a traffic constables is present or they sense that other traffic will unhesitatingly mow them down. The traffic lights are apparently not applicable to tractors, cyclists, and pedestrians. Junctions where there are traffic lights are, places where sometimes junior traffic constables hang around watching in amusement as motorists honk in frustration as their paths are blocked by a bus, truck or pedestrians. In the absence of proper bus shelters, these places also serve as indicators to buses that they should stop to pick up passengers about 20 feet after crossing the traffic light.

        

         

5. Lanes: These are imaginary longitudinal divisions of road into two or three equal divisions. Their main purpose is to give an idea of how many vehicles can fit side by side on a road. For instance, a two lane road is expected to fit at least 4 vehicles side by side. At a traffic junction, traffic police do not intervene as long as the vehicles waiting for a right turn are considerate enough to leave one car width for the traffic going straight. Bus drivers eventually develop skills to squeeze through this space left for one car.

           

6. Flyovers: These are brief stretches of road where a motorist can test whether his vehicle's third and fourth gears are still working. They also allow the homeless to have a roof over their heads, and two wheeler drivers to take shelter during rains. Sometimes, these flyovers provide a nice place for vehicles backed up from a choke point to wait, offering a nice elevated view of the area around while waiting.

           

7. Storm Water Drains: These are places for roadside tea shops to throw used plastic tea cups into. Also used for excess garbage that cannot be accommodated on the pavements.

                   

8. Pot Holes: These are perpetual source of income for contractors and vehicle mechanics. They also serve as collection points for rainwater till evaporation does the needful. In addition to regulating speed, they regulate traffic volume by keeping people off roads unless they  absolutely need  to or are feeling suicidal.

           

           

9. Taxes: Taxes are money paid by the citizens to the government merely for the privilege for existing. An often held misconception that taxes are paid for services, but this misconception is being gradually dispelled. Tax payers have taken to Bhagavad Gita to understand that they have to do their duty of paying taxes, and maintain a detached attitude as far as the results of paying taxes are concerned. Municipal authorities consider collection of taxes are their primary task and they perform that task with admirable efficiency using leading edge technology for citizens to part their with their money at the click of amouse. Once collected, the money gathered transits from government coffers to private accounts of contractors towards reimbursement for works carried out, many of which are usually not readily apparent to the tax payers.

        

       

10. Traffic Management: The main philosophy of traffic management is to let motorists sort out things between themselves. Fatalities in accidents are kept minimal by restricting speeds to 20 km or below, mainly through efficient use of pot holes, speed breakers, displaced road divider medians, cows, pedestrians etc. Other accidents which merely cause dents are encouraged to be sorted out between the affected parties by stopping their vehicles wherever accidents have taken place, thus further regulating the speed of traffic. To ensure that two traffic jams do not merge, road junctions are left unrepaired, thus taking care that barely 10 vehicles can cross a traffic junction every 3 minutes. Public transport is kept moving by allowing buses to take advantage of their size, and auto rickshaws by their maneuverability. Pedestrian convenience is ensured by allowing them to walk or cross roads any where, with the slow traffic offering minimal risk.

      

          

11. Water Supply: Since Bengaluru is a huge city, water supply has been decentralized by leaving the job mostly to the bore-wells and water tankers. Once citizens have developed a detachment to the taxes already paid, they do not mind paying again for this service. This efficient arrangement leaves the Water Supply Board to concentrate on it's main task of digging up of roads.

           

12. Garbage Disposal: With the government having provided pavements and storm water drains for garbage disposal, citizens need to do their bit by segregating. In case any citizen wonders about the futility of segregation if the entire thing ends up together on the pavements anyway, he should get back to Bhagwad Gita and understand that he just needs to do his duty and maintain a detached attitude towards the results of his activity.

            

13. Housing: Civic bodies have realized that keeping dry lakes and vacant tracts of land garbage free, causes an unnecessary strain on the exchequer. However, without keeping these areas clean, there is a huge risk of mosquito breeding and attendant health issues. In a brilliant move, housing development authorities have handed over these areas to builders, and generated huge amounts of money for the exchequer through registrations. Citizens can now enjoy staying in luxurious condominiums. Since over efficient builders complete before civic bodies can build road, men in these apartments can justify to their wives the need to buy expensive off road vehicles such as SUVs. An unintended benefit is the huge impetus given to the end SUV market.

          

     

14. Population Control: This is one area civic authorities have failed completely, though not due to any fault of theirs. Despite their efforts to prevent too many people from settling down in Bengaluru, God had played dirty with them by gifting Bengaluru with terrific weather. The Telangana agitation has also countered their efforts by making Hyderabad less attractive. Efforts are underway to mitigate the good weather by reducing the tree cover by practically gifting tree covered lands to builders, hoping that this might make the weather worse. However, it is expected that weather change will take some time, and it may be decades before permanent Bengaluru Citizens can expect settlers flee to other places in the Country.