WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THE IPL IS NATIONALIZED?
22 things that will happen as and when the IPL is nationalized:
1. The new Commissioner of the IPL, replacing Rajeev Shukla, will be an IAS Officer, 1989 batch, transferred from the Food Corporation of India!
2. Behen Mayawati will demand, however, that the new Chairman should be her own candidate, preferably from DALIT class!
3. The name of MUMBAI INDIANS will immediately be changed to MUMBAI MANUS. It will, naturally, field only Maharashtrians.
4. The CHENNAI SUPER KINGS team will be renamed as DRAVIDA CRICKET KAZHAGAM. Subsequently, one faction will break away and the team will split into DCK and AIADCK owing allegiance to Kalai Annar and Puratchi Thalaivi respectively.
5. Each political party will have its own team: BJP Bandwagons, Congress Cobras, CPI Cadres, Samajwadi Strikers, CPM Challengers, Trinamool Tigers etc.
6. Auction of players will be replaced by teams calling for tenders for players. The lowest priced players will be picked,
7. Cheer Leaders will be replaced by honourable ministers, who will make speeches during breaks in the match.
8. Sonia Gandhi will insist that 30% of each team should be reserved for women!
9. Behen Mayawati will demand that SC/ST players will need to run for only 18 yards instead of 22 yards between the wickets.
10. Third Umpire requests will have to be filled in triplicate and duly notarized.
11. All Third Umpire decisions will be referred to a Joint Parliament Commission.
12. IPL Tickets will henceforth be available at all post offices and BSNL centers from 10 a.m. to 12.45 p.m. The facility to purchase tickets on your cell-phone will immediately be withdrawn.
13. Replacing an injured foreign player can be done only through a Tatkal application submitted 48 hours after a Government Doctor examines such a player.
14. Cheer Leaders will be replaced by retired Air India Flight Attendants.
15. These new cheer leaders will perform folk dances of the states they represent during breaks.
16.IPL matches will be shown only on Doordarshan. They will be telecast the day immediately following the match, from 4 a.m. to 7.30 a.m. and subsequently from 3.30 p.m. to 7.30 p.m. subject to satellite link-up availability.
17. Between each innings break Doordarshan will telecast the News in Hindi, followed by news for the hearing impaired.
18. Agricultural shots can be played only during the phase of the game termed "KRISHI DARSHAN."
19. There will be no matches on weekends or on National/Regional Holidays.
20. The three stumps will be painted Saffron, White and Green.
21. Bowlers will have to bowl sarpatti and ghassarkundi balls to Reserved Players.
22. Pakistan will immediately announce its intentions to start its own version of tournament called PPL and Mr Zardari will make a visit to Washington to meet Obama and seek an additional grant of $1 Billion to fund PPL.
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